Just like any other girl, I’ve always dreamed about my future wedding. I’ve planned the dress, the food, the bridesmaids… The only part I’ve never fantasized about is the most important part, the groom. I’ve come to realize that it’s because I want a wedding, but not a marriage. I just want a big party with a white dress and cake. (I don’t care how white I am; I should’ve had a quinceñera.) I don’t want to be legally bound to another person for the rest of my life.
Being the Bible-thumper that I am, I’ve read Ephesians 5:22—”Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.” Why on earth would I want to do that? The institution of marriage represents the relationship between Christ and His church. We’re the bride, and He’s our groom. I have no problem submitting myself to the Lord. He’s my creator and my God. Of course He should be in charge of me. But another human? I do have a problem with putting myself under control of another person, just because he’s a man. I wouldn’t consider myself a feminist, but I don’t have the old-school mindset that women are somehow inferior. I have way too much pride to allow someone I consider my equal to be my leader.
Revelation 22:19 says, “And if anyone takes words away from this scroll of prophecy, God will take away from that person any share in the tree of life and in the Holy City, which are described in this scroll.” While this probably refers to the book of Revelation, I like to think it’s talking about the entire Bible. We can’t take out the parts we don’t like—including the whole “submit to your husband” part—and create a Jefferson Bible of sorts. I certainly don’t want the consequences that go along with that. I’m not obligated to adhere to a command that doesn’t apply to me.
The apostle Paul, who wasn’t married, talks about marriage in I Corinthians 7.
“Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” (verses 8-9) I interpret this to mean you should stay single unless you just really can’t control your urge to have sex. It’s better to get married than to sin. Personally, I think that’s horrible advice. If you’re getting married just because you want to do it, you’re probably going to end up with the wrong person. As much as God hates fornication, he also hates divorce. Even if you’ve only been with your spouse, if you split up, it’s not worth it. I think you’re better off just having premarital sex than making a huge mistake that screws up the rest of your life.
“…An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.” (v. 34-35) You can’t serve two masters. Likewise, you can’t be fully devoted to God if you’re devoted to your partner. When you’re married, a huge portion of your time is spent with that person, trying to make them happy, leaving you with less time to serve God. A husband or wife is just a distraction from the Word or prayer.
I like my independence. Everyone always thinks that single people are lonely, but that’s not the case with me. I have friends and family for companionship. I don’t need a man to invade my space. I already can’t stand sharing a room with my stepsister. I don’t want to have to share with a husband. Sure, I imagine it’d be different to live with a person I actually like and choose to be a part of my life, but I still like having a place to myself.
My entire life, I’ve been under the authority of my mom. When I finally gain my freedom, I don’t want to be chained to another person who directly influences my daily decisions for the rest of my life. I want to be able to do what I want whenever I want. I like that I won’t have to consult another person. Not that married people have to ask for permission to do something, but discussing it and reaching a compromise just isn’t what I want.
If God tells me to go halfway around the world, I’ll do it. I don’t have to worry about whether or not my husband wants to go or if he’ll be okay without me. I don’t have to talk about it with someone else beforehand. I can go, giving my total obedience to God as soon as I can pack my stuff and get a plane ticket.
I’m not saying I’m absolutely staying single for the rest of my life. Maybe there’s someone out there for me. Someone who shares my dream of being a missionary. Someone designed to be my future husband. All I’m saying is if he’s out there, I definitely haven’t met him yet. I don’t believe in love at first sight at all, but I just think if I already know the person I’m going to marry, I probably wouldn’t be so bitter about the concept as to think I’d be throwing my life away. As of now, there’s no decent Christian guy I can even picture being with forever. If I do end up eating my words and tying the knot, that’s wonderful, but if not, that’s even better.
I’ll leave you with this:
“In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is—and I think that I too have the Spirit of God.” (I Corinthians 7:40)
Thanks, Paul. Couldn’t have said it any better myself.
Inside the Mind of Hannah Lynne Schuster 
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